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ehhhhh, what's up doc?

snapshots of my interior terrain at the moment, in no particular order:

• still fending off anxiety [okay, panic really] about various grown-up/real world situations which are far from resolved, but trying not to let that get in the way of some day-to-day quality of life for me and la familia.
• feeling good about where all 4 kids are at the moment. Leah's speaking is progressing rapidly -- definitely no language issues -- just pronounciation ones. Jayla's really looking forward to 1st grade [as am I, on her behalf]. I think it will be good for her in many ways. Jared and Chris both seem happy both are growing in ways I am proud of. Yay mom!
• trying to achieve 3 "c's" every day: clean somethin', create somethin', cross somethin' off my to-do list.
• feel myself shedding the moderate depressive episode I was suffering through much of the spring and into the summer...
• so happy with this purchase that it's worth blogging about: wearing this:
• ,
  Leah at not yet 3 can be in the pool where she can't stand without me physically in the water. I can jsut "life gaurd" next to the pool. She gets to swim with sis and brother and I don't have to get in the water! woo hoo! and she really can tread water and doggie paddle very well with it on!
• found my first grey hairs. was surprisingly okay with it. yes I am into my 40s. i will never be 22 again. or 32 for that matter. am determined to love who i am and where i am now. it has helped hanging out with some fabulous creative and sexy women in the same age range. determined to do more of that.
• learning to be selfish in positive ways rather than destructive ones. ways that feed me so that i can feed others.

errghhh... need to take potty break with Leah. she's toilet-learning wonderfully, but insists on an audience each and every time.

random ten things on my mind at the moment

a (current) random ten things to share with you at the moment:

(1) I have continued to cut my hair.  Most of you reading this would be shocked at how short it is.  Really there are only 2 people previous to this who have ever seen my hair this short -- Bruce L. [who was with me in San Fran, 20-some years ago when I cut it like this before my trip to Africa, and Lynn S. whom I traveled with in Africa.]   I like it.  Well, I like it short -- and I like the overall shape -- but I feel it could use some fine-tuning by a professional.  though that's unlikely to happen.

(2) I feel thinner than I have in a while.  Result of walking the dogs between 1 and 2 miles [almost] every day.  Unfortunately neither the scale nor my clothes agree. yet.

(3) Despite the fact that I have more energy and volition than I have had in years, I feel like I am not making progress.  in areas that i would like to progress.

(4) I want my very own [ok, I'd share it with John and the kids] in-ground, private pool outside my back door, more than [almost] anything else.  It is extremely unlikely to ever happen.

(5) Was excited to find that some of the eggs the chickens have been sitting on for the last weeks have actually hatched!!  Three so far today!  We've hatched plenty of chicks from our own chickens this year -- but always in the incubator.  These were the first ones the ladies did themselves!!  I was very proud of them.

(6)  I FINALLY [after receiving a more than mildly threatening letter from the county] made Jared's homeschooling "official" with the school system.  Only 7 mo late!  

(7) I feel hopeless about the prospects of getting the house/chaos/mess under control.  At this point I am hoping for a miracle.  Like a roving good-samaritan-house-cleaning crew that wanders down Orrison Road and wants to do a good deed.  Or Ed McMahan knocking on my door with a big fat check. 

(8) Having a teen driver is terrifying.  CB is good at it, but STILL.   A car is freakin' DEADLY.  Who on earth thought that teenagers should be able to drive?  Now that I am helping someone learn, I realize how freakin' dangerous the whole activity really is -- and how many of us probably shouldn't be behind the wheel.

okay, i promised 10 things, but have to make a bus stop run... 

feeling stymied and sad

So, here's the deal.
Following UNHCR on twitter.
Rec'd tweet this am, that:"UNHCR is urgently seeking shade cloth and poles to construct sun screens in #Pakistan as part of a summerization program."
So I tweeted back: "@Refugees send a contact e-mail and i will forward request to US shade manufacturers and ask for donation."
Then I googled shade screen manufacturers and found a handful.
@Refugees send me contact info at USA for UNHCR.
I tweeted back: "@Refugees rec'd contact info. Will ask for in-kind donations for shades from manufacts. could use photos/stories to demo the need for them"
@Refugees tweeted this link to me almost immediately: pakistan photos
I did a quick google cram here and here and here to educate myself, wrote a few talking points and called these guys.

Had a great convo with a dude named Joe who was willing to consider an in-kind donation to UNHCR for the displaced families in Pakistan.  Told him I would get back to him with the hows.  Figured there were plenty more shade manufacturers I could hit up as well.

Still hadn't heard from USA for UNHCR folks so I called them.

VERY disheartening.

Bottom line: "The logistics of in-kind donations are too hard.  That's why we ask for money."

I said, "but some folks don't have money but they have stuff sitting in warehouses."

They said. "Sorry, that's the way it works."

She didn't even ask me my name.   

I want to make clear that the folls I spoke to were the independent non-profit based in the US to support the UNHCR.  They were NOT official UNHCR folks.  Those folks have offices in Geneva -- and it was their tweet [and from their on-the ground folks in Pakistan] that I originally heard from and was trying to help.

SO frustrating.  It's like, there are planes, right?  And for freak's sake - Hillary Clinton this week called for americans to use their cell phones to donate $5 toward the humanitarian crisis in Pakistan.  And these folks are being displaced because the Pakistani gov't is fighting the Taliban and other extremist/terrorist groups at our request...  

So now I have to call Joe back and tell him not to bother 'cause we can't get the freakin' sun shade material to the families sitting in 100 degree plus sun homeless in Pakistan.

Target to continue giving 5% of profits to charity

Target to continue giving 5% of profits to charity

Look, I'm not a huge Target fan. I think the quality of their clothing has really declined since I first started buying my "mom" clothes there 9 years ago. But the prices at my local Super-Target for groceries are excellent, so I find myself there at least once a month. I am, however, very grateful that at a time that so many companies are laying off employees and charities are seeing increased need and decreased donations -- Target is managing to keep their generous giving program open.

thoughts at 2:00 am

1. i love "burn notice." now watching my 3rd straight episode in a row.
2. i don't know how i will manage to correct my sleep schedule at this point. especially seeing as i don't seem to want to. what i really want is not to need more than about 5 hours sleep a night.
3. being a grown up is both much better and much worse than i ever expected.
4. if i want to be asleep before 3:00 am, I probably shouldn't be cracking open another diet coke at 2:00 am.
5. i would really like another dog. a big scary-looking one that is really a cuddle-muffin. but i am afraid that's not fair to Gina. Who is about 15 years old, fairly deaf, with failing eyesight. So, we're just kind of waiting for her to pass. Which is kind of a bummer place to be in relation to your dog that is generally healthy if completely and totally geriatric.
6. i think the best part of "burn notice" is Michael Weston's voice-overs and Jeffrey Donovan's smile.